give and receive

It's hard for me
Personally
In my personal opinion
To accept praise

I have no issues with giving it
With giving things, thoughts, feelings
Love
Affection
Affirmations
Declarations of (_____)
.......
I just can't take what I dish out

It's hard for me to believe I am
worth the words/time/consideration
After years of being unworthy
At least being told I am
I believe it to be
In my personal opinion
True
An incorrigible fact

So when I
Myself
Me
Am reciprocated
I can't
Believe it

So I squirm, I wriggle inside
My body rejects that notion as niceties
Mere politeness as they pity me in my incompetence


IN PROGRESS

Self-care

Pity the fool that doesn't take care of themself
Pray that they find worth in their own happiness and comfort
Pray that they see how a weary soul cannot help others
That their wariness will eventually spill over
And whet the hurting and worry around them
Making them primed to prick
Those that come closest

Confession

Why do I only use this thing when I'm feeling bad?
Is this just a garbage dump for all my negative feelings,
All my thoughts of hating the world and myself
Of hating the fact that I'm inadequate
Utterly so
Creating junk so useless and toxic
That it perpetuates that cycle of shame that I feel
For existing
For taking up space