It's real

A struggle against your strongest opponent,
Your lesser self,
Breaks tradition,
Leading to increases in wish fulfillment.

blargh

Sometimes there's just nothing peaceful about silence

They say silence is golden, because each word you hold back is another year of your life

Time is money, yah know?

You pay to preserve that peace that you so desperately crave

To avoid that conflict that you so avidly avoid

You stay muet and the opportunities pass you by

 

Grace

What does change mean
in the face of a constantly changing landscape
The primordial ooze seeping forward
towards a future that already exists
waiting for the inevitability of existence
but knowing that they are stuck
wanting to move forward
but always being ahead
waiting for the present
to find its way
For all were lost before they were found

draft 2:
Today something changed
but it didn't matter
The world's inhabitants seeped forward
but I was already there
I've been waiting for them to catch up
because I can only go so far by myself
I need the masses
to tame the darkness ahead
I can only hope to continue to guide them forward
onto the path of of justice
For all were lost before they were found


draft 1:
Today something changed
but it didn't matter
The world's inhabitants seeped forward
giving way to change
but I was already there
I've been waiting for them to catch up
because I can only go so far by myself
I need the masses
to tame the darkness ahead
I can only hope to continue to guide them forward
onto the path of equality, of justice
For all was lost before they were found

profanity

SHOW ME YOUR THEODOLITE

I see too deep

All I see is dark Chasms reflecting darkness Can't be sure what's there

lksdf

The top, lefthand corner
of a sad, four-sided creature
Bent at odds with the creases
from a dark double-feature
Instructions hide their steps
as the dotted lines dance
Find a single dot sloughed
off the white picket fence

hmm

In darkness we find the sharp cuts
Drawn into our eyes by light

For shame

For shame I hide my scars
I trade my thoughts and cover my tracks
I fade through the world
A dark shadow bringing mistreants
Bad coagulated blood
Drain me
I wait for it

hold this please

It sucks to wait for things that will never come
To hold on to the idea of possibility

The stupid thing we call hope
corrodes away at me
like a lump of dry ice in my hands
The pain feels good
Lulling me into a sense of martyrdom
but I wake up
and can only see an idiot
who won't put on gloves
because he's doesn't want to let the others see
that he's got something to hold on to it hurts to hold on

A canvas for your whole

A room without light hides

Ideas

Holds comfort



A gate to anything you can dream


A canvas for your whole

Re-memormy

     My first love was an interesting experience. For my first romantic experience, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I had lots of ideas, a few expectations. At this point, I was assuming love meant relationship. It's really not. Though through this first relationship I started to learn the meaning of love.  I started developing my capacity to love. My first love didn't quite love me back. They were always so nice to me, I got to feel special around them. I'd always want to be around them, to make them feel good like me. It wasn't meant to be though. We were in different places emotionally. They weren't attracted to me. Eventually they got into a romantic relationship with another person and we grew apart.
But coincidence.
     We reconnected a few years later. We had a chance to reshape our relationship. We spent a lot of time together, through convenience and circumstance. They were as kind I remembered them, as dorky and amazing. I fell in love all over again. I think I was able to bring some light into their life too. We grew as close as we've ever been before. I was able to say things I've never said before, my feelings, cleaned and laid out. They were able to say things too, things I had to take in, to bear. In the end, it wasn't what I imagined, or what I wanted, but it is what it is. We have a relationship, one I know I can count on till the end of our days. And love. We can say we love each other. Freely and without expectation. Because that's what love is.

Affection, adoration, elated feelings brought without expectations.
Pure. Love.
Idealist flattery, bourne of life.
Unavoidable.
Perfection.
Thoughts of nothing but.
Pain, pleasure.
Waiting for somebody, somebody.
Brought home by disillusionment.
Found lies.
Truth.
Aggravation, temperance.
Being.
One.
All.
Love. Love. Love.

Blank blank

Find the broken mould to bear the burden
Shed tears to collect and trade for tithes
Words falter as you give them meaning
Giving judgement for those who refuse to die

Shards of moments long refurbished
Peek towards the half-open eye
Trust is not a word to put a price on
Yet we all trust in some kind of paradise

Give me another cramped moment
Shoved up the hours I've slept away
Seconds away from neevana
Past once before a blank day

Fried

When you the chip falls off  your shoulder
And you look around
To see a sack of potatoes

So that's what that was

poubelle

Aussi tôt

Bien arrivé

Aussi toi

Pret elevé

Quoiqu'on esperes

Quand l'enfer pousse tes mots

Puisse la science

Enchaîne les signaux

regrets

When all that's left is a heart unscathed
And memories of what could have been
Will you reach into your grave
And pull out pearls from deep within
Will you look up at the moon
Waiting for a different face
One small sip of reality
Leaves you longing for some grace

En Masse

Wanderers and searchers

Explorers

Rediscoverers

Move

In all directions

Apart

And together

Alone

And in groups

Afraid

Hopeful

Bored

but always moving

Shivering

Waves of bodies
In darkness

Waiting

Unknowingly

For nothing

draft 1:
Something
Wanderers and searchers

Explorers

Rediscoverers

Move

In all directions

Apart

And together

Alone

And in groups

Afraid

Hopeful

Bored

but always moving

Shivering

In waves of feeling

and Light

Waiting

Unknowingly

For nothing

Creation

There is a satisfaction
Borne out of the act of creation
That every person craves

When God created Man
In his image
We were born with the same craving
For creation
That spurned our own existance in this universe

And with this power
To create
God made us with the capacity
To become
Godlike

Will we rest
As they did
And declare our world
Good?

Will the waters
Rise again
To dilute dirt
From oil?

The Bottom of the Hill

A ball rolls down a paved road. It is red, the ball. The road is black tar. The ball rolls faster as it gets further down the hill. The hill ends. The road is no longer at an upward elevation. The ball slows down. Slowly at first, then more significantly it slows down. It stops - no, pauses before it briefly rolls back the way it came. Now it is at rest. It is at the bottom of the hill.

buzzword

Bee blasting down an open highway
Coked up on pollen
Looking for its next fix in a field of pesticides
This farm has got the good stuff
The world has taken enough from the bee
Bee takes what bee can get
A one-way to life
More exciting than that of its sisters
Free from obrigado
Lost amongst the steely streams
Till death

pretty

Pretty is all the world wants
Pretty feelings that sparkle and pop
That tickles that sweet spot and makes you feel pink
Makes you complacent, hides the gray
The ugly sweater, not the loud ones
Although they can be loud in their own, violent way
The ones that may have been donated once or twice
The failed experiments, the ones made to be
Ugly, so the bottom of the well could be deeper
Deep enough for at least part of the town to drink
Not enough for showers, but damn well enough for alcohol
Ever seen a thirsty sweater before?

Change

Nothing is forever.

Reverse construction of a poem

First you have a feeling
Or a message
Or a thought
Then you find words
or phrases
or imagery or a metaphor
to convey said
feeling
message
or thought

Flecks of light
Brought forth from the undead sea
Grant sustenance to weary sailors
Hungry and cold
Each night, brought home
To be shaped into moonbeams
And sunrays
Starlight

How does the sailor light?

Life and Living

Greeeeeeeeen everywhere

I feel sick with envy

My lips are chapped

Ready for some balmy weather to

Clear up my sinuses

There aren't enough fucks 

To pave a road let alone sculpt

My next doorway to nirvana

I've been here too long

I'm tired of the same players every game

I can only learn the rules so many times

Let me out already

But the game is really fun

The suspense Keeps me

Coming back for more

Despite the massochism and patience

Required to sit through the rounds

I can't seem to stop upping the ante

Investing more of my soul to the

Madnessssssssssssssssss

I'm too addicted to life and living

Nothing to say

Words just floating around in my head
Haphazard connections
Coalesce into crystalline structures
Sinking to the bottom of a vat of mud
Shards just out of sight
That I have to reach in and fish out
Looking for a big enough piece
One that won't dissolve in the air
Or melt in the sun

I really hate getting my hands dirty though

Presents

Ask me a question

Do it nice

Maybe I'll answer

Maybe it'll be true

I know all I need to know

Maybe I'll know what you need too

A degree, a medal, a pocketwatch

I don't provide gifts thought

Just knowledge

And that's all you need really

To know

Answers

That's a gift too, I guess

Life's not a game

A man lays on a couch
But he is not a man, he's a boy
Watching TV
While on his laptop and phone and tablet
Thinking to himself
Out loud (sort of)
What the frack was he doing with his life
Like, seriously
Life was being life
And the man/boy couldn't deal
He'd been told the rules were simple
That the judges were fair
Silly societal messages
Tricks are their MO apparently

(Idiots)

Je te vois
Malgré mes sentiments
Parfaitement aigus
Mes horaires sont défoncé
Par les mecs qui t'empéchent
Les gens qui t'embêtent
Le monde qui sont
Complètement absolument
Super vraiment
Pas chou

Les dingues

(home)

Wandering between dots on the page
Trying to spell out a word
You've only heard stories about

Wanting to catch the warm colors
Their movement reflecting your own
Dancing done at the bottom of a well

Spinning handkerchiefs for a friend
A passel of white elephants invading their space
Manifestations of your dream seeking life

sssssss

Self

So silly

Something so substantial

Sometimes subtly saddening

Several strung simultaneously 

Sliding sideways

Singing savior, salvation

Sorcery

Same solemn songs

Suffocating

Spaciously

Self

Math

Take a heart, leave a heart
Leave a heart on the street to be recycled
Take a hand, give a hand
Take a pair of hands back to store
Have a kid, raise a kid
Raise that kid up with common sense
Take a chance, make a change
Add some pain to opportunity and voila
you have change.

Jeez

What do you do
when light
peeks into your
shattered universe?

What do you say
when the world
listens, really listens
to your hoarse voice?

Will you rest
when they tell you
the job is done?

Will you celebrate
when your savior returns?

Mom called

It's not there,
The droids you're looking for,
They were never there.


It's not like they're important,
You should just do your job;
Get paid,
Relax.



Big picture is not in your paygrade,
Not in the stars for you.

Just do me a favor,
Give your mom a call when you're done, okay?

Connections?

Framed sunset

Viewed from a warm bubble

Feet dipping out beyond the fourth wall

Two rhythms

Trying to beat in time

Listening for discordant harmonies

Negotiating arms

Entwined between pain and discomfort

Time passes and importance becomes clear

One moment

With multiple understandings

Indecipherable connections are made 

I am plastic

I am plastic
Toxic
Don't play with me
Don't put me in your mouth
Wrap me
In plastic

I am painted in white lead
Two coats
Black charcoal smile
Beady black eyes
Fixed on
You
Judger

Drop me in water
I float
Just don't drink it
Or rescue me
Let me float away

I am plastic

Ache again

Falling, fading back
To depths well-traveled
but unmapped

Terror so familiar to become despair
Darkness becomes comfort
Light's true form revealed
All bears its heat and movement

Lie here
In stillness and pulse
Waiting for more change

Manners

Eyes gaze lovingly
Glazed with sugar and sprinkles
I am not a doughnut
I am a stone that likes to change colors
and texture
Don't eat me
Please?

Silhouettes

What brings to the mind
Away from the shelter of convention
Lies untold before shrines
Silhouettes
Fall beckoning
For redemption

(Weak)

It always comes gradually for me.

The thought of my life

Slowly sinking through the murky,

Darkening pit of abstractions too disheartening to name

Losing me. 

My footprint too small,

Will too faible to keep up pictures

Of hope and progress.

Fear, I do,

The words: life and future.

No future, no life,

Have I. 

Serenity

Who knew, serenity was so near
So clearly accessible
In a cloudy day of scattered showers
And wind and cold
Trapped in your car
Waiting for commitments that may
Or may not be kept

A stream of steady jazz
Filtered through a public radio station
Traffic rumbling, plane roaring
Soft reminder of the world
Passing by

Breeze blowing
Trees shivering
The sky changes by the minute

The warmth of your heart reflecting back to you
A smile of serenity on your face

Change

A day of no movement, of no change

Makes the soul and body wearier

And more worn

The boulder that sits and waits

In the middle of a river

Leads a life not much different

Than the pebble carried downstream

Living

Suffering. Is. Life.
To live is to suffer at the hands of nature
Human nature
Conditional beings
Conditioned to
Love what's good and
Hate what's bad, to
Want what makes us feel good and
Ignore what makes us feel bad.
We struggle.
At the hands of our own thoughts
At the hands of our own feelings
With the consequences of our own actions
Life. Is. Suffering.
To suffer is to live with our own nature
Blind and indifferent
Feeding the endless pits
Of our personal hell.
Life. Is. Suffering.
Death. Is. Release.
But life follows death
And death is part of life
So the cycle
Suffering
Continues

Icky

Drawing from the void, we search
Alone, between our thoughts of worry
And self-deprecation.
A sea of searchers, making their presence
Known through obnoxious stares,
Loose collars, and incandescent flashes.
Return to sender,
Reply as soon as possible,
For the sea is polluted and gross.

Rude

"Wait," she said.
I didn't stop to listen.

Rolled

There's always something
Something
Always waiting
Waiting for something
For you
You are waiting

Before

World without words
Lost in time before remembering
What knowing have we given up
To stones and trees defiled

When thoughts roamed
Feelings tasted, not bottled
Action singular in goal and end

Glances and smiles
Face drawn in meaning

Ruined

Nonsense

What is a word with no meaning?

To put senses into sensical letters,

Organized and sensationalized into sight and sound.

Take just the organization and sensation,

Bent across your hands, you squeeze

And it crumbles. Senselessness.

Ground through a mill, turned to

Sensible flour. Add water and eggs

And whatever else you want. 

You have dough

Or bread

Or cake

Mmm, cake.

Tastes like shit.

Lying Eyes

Eyes behind me, I hear you speak

Telling me things I cannot bear

Tell me I'm everything I wish I wasn't

Take the strength away from my arms

My heart takes these stories as evidence for hell

May I somehow forget



draft 1:

I don't see your eyes but your eyes speak volumes

I can hear them telling me everything I don't want to hear.

What they tell me is that I'm worth less than the man I am.

They tell me about the strength you've taken away from my arms.

Your eyes tell my heart stories I can't help but believe.

I can only hope now to forget, to leave your eyes in your head where they belong.

Calm

Calm, but not quite.
Calm, masking something else altogether.
Cold. Hungry?
Calm on top of anxiety.
Calm masks anxiety.
Anxiety bubbles beneath calm.
Calm and wanting.

Toppled

Keeping centered. Most difficult of feats as the world swings the core like a raft amidst an eternal storm. You steer for the eye in search of respite, but the landscape ceaselessly shifts and changes around you. Tired, you let the waves take you whole.